Loving with an open heart: A love without expectation or condition. An act of giving without necessarily receiving. No promise of return. Easier said than done, right? Most of us know all too well the long lingering damage of disappointment, dissolution and heartache. So how DO we love with an open heart? We shift the focus to ourselves, that’s how.
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Many of us embark on a spiritual path because we are seeking purpose. Maybe we have a sense that there is something out there waiting for us and that when we find it, it will fit perfectly. But sometimes, with all that searching, we miss the true purpose that is sitting deep within all of us. You, your very self, are your purpose. You, with all of your quirks and nuances, with all of your hang-ups and failures, with all of your broken pieces and soft heart, you are the purpose that you are seeking.
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Have you ever found yourself at the start of a relationship thinking that it is true love? You feel warm and fuzzy, you are surrounded by a glow of contentment. The sky is bluer, the sun is brighter and life is suddenly full of excitement and potential. It feels great, right?
Now, lets fast forward a couple of months. Maybe you are not feeling so high; your new relationship isn’t panning out quite how you thought it would and your new partner isn’t matching up to expectations. And then what happens? The excitement is gone, the potential is gone and your self confidence has taken a hit. Sound familiar?
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Shame. It’s a powerful word. And following in its wake comes a wave of negatively charged and toxic emotions. If there was a visual representation of shame it would be that of the Grim Reaper: dark, overbearing, spreading misery and stealing souls. That’s exactly what shame is. It is destructive. It is a death of your inner being and a loss of your soul.
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Being in your power is about ownership. It’s about owning your thoughts and decisions. It’s about communicating directly and clearly. It’s about owning your needs, values and intentions. It’s about staying true to yourself and your path. It’s about being you without influence. If others react to you in ways that are in conflict with your inner being then step into your power, own your reaction and take ownership of your emotional state.
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Often there will be times when we just don’t know what to do. We may feel blocked, frustrated, held back, agitated, downhearted, but mostly the overwhelming sensation will be of ‘feeling stuck’. Feeling stuck is not pleasant. Eventually it leads to despair and depression. Indeed, it is rare to hear anyone say “Hooray, today I am feeling stuck, what a great opportunity and learning experience this will be.” And yet, you know what? Feeling stuck IS a great opportunity. It is one of the greatest opportunitues of all.
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Why do we strive to be loved? Is it to have someone acknowledge and appreciate us? Is it for validation? Is it because we need someone else to love us in order to love ourselves? Ask yourself this question and dig deep for the answer. If you cannot deeply know yourself, how can you expect to deeply know and connect with another? How can you expect deep, meaningful and loving connections without first fully knowing and nurturing your own inner being?
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As with all journeys, the path to enlightenment contains ups and downs. Sometimes the flow will bless us with extended periods of intense joy and wellbeing. Other times it will feel flat, stressful and emotionally challenging. It may not feel like it at the time, but the down days are just as much a blessing as the up days. In fact, it often the difficult and problematic periods that serve us in more ways than the joyous ones.
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My journey has taken many twists and turns. Sometimes it feels as though time is gently creeping by without significance, and other times something big happens that completely floors me. I remind myself that this is the flow, and I choose to be in it completely. When difficulties occur I don’t chase; I surrender. I let go. I trust in the journey and I trust in myself. I trust that the storms are temporary, as are the bright sunny days. Life is a flow, it ebbs up and down. It gifts us with pleasure and pain.
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One of the biggest areas where we experience attachment is in romantic relationships. When this happens the relationship changes from a liberating and joyous beginning to a prison in which we keep ourselves and our partner trapped. It is no longer about a meeting of souls, but of control. The attachment binds us. It becomes a drug. We lose part of ourselves.
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