Loving with an open heart: A love without expectation or condition. An act of giving without necessarily receiving. No promise of return. Easier said than done, right? Most of us know all too well the long lingering damage of disappointment, dissolution and heartache. So how DO we love with an open heart? We shift the focus to ourselves, that’s how.
Past experiences and failed relationships tend to dictate that we enter most of our social/romantic interactions already armoured up, our defences ready, on guard to protect ourselves and close our heart (again) at any moment. When we are let down, disappointed or heartbroken, it can often be traced back to an expectation that we created in our minds. We created the expectation and then projected it onto the person standing in front of us. Often we do it subconsciously, but the projection is there, a culmination of past experiences, hopeful expectations and unresolved attachments to romantic ideals.
As soon as we make that projection, even subconsciously, we cast a vested interest. We become bound to the outcome. And of course, when outcome fails to meet expectation (as it almost always does), disappointment and heartache ensue. Our inner expectation and external projection are revealed as fantasy (again). We wallow in the disappointment, swear never to love again and rather than look at the real issue (the gap between projected expectation and truth) we close our hearts.
If on the other hand, we turn up to each social interaction fully grounded and fully present within our own deep sense of self, there is no need to project outwards. There is no need to invest in any outcome. We are no longer clinging to unrealistic expectations. We may still make a projection but this time we have full awareness of it, we know it’s a projection and not a reality. We have awareness of the gap.
With grounded awareness you can give fully and openly with no expectation attached. You can know that you are sitting strong within your own deep well of love and that your eyes (and your heart) can fully open. Without expectation you cannot be disappointed. And this gives a strength of unconditional love so strong that it will radiate out to everyone you meet.
By accessing the Buddha that sits deep inside of you, you can know at every moment the truth of who or what stands in front of you. Sitting deep within your core, without need or expectation, allows you to appreciate moments for what they are: just that, moments. Fleeting, tranquil, beautiful and transient. Fully surrender to the experience of the moment. Enjoy it and appreciate. Do not project and do not cling.
Be at one with yourself. Be the love inside of yourself. Feel your own powerful and unconditional love at all times. Know that you are an enlightened being and that the universe will give you everything you need. You do not need to seek, project or expect. You can let go of all expectations and desires. You exist in a body of sheer luminosity and unconditional love.
You yourself create your moments of bliss, and you yourself create your moments of distress. Your world is in your mind. Let go. What is happening is happening. The world proceeds regardless. Life moves on, creation continues.
This is your existence. And it happens only once. This is your moment to connect, your moment to nurture, your moment to open, release and let go. Loving with an open heart allows you to fully engage with the bliss of being in the flow.
© Copyright: Siobhain McConnell / Wild Women Coaching
Illustration credit: Molly Cules / Buddha Doodles